Who is this man?
Clients agree: "What the fuck is that?"
When asked about me, the Better Business Bureau said: "Did that thing just eat a toddler?" That's service you can count on.
Business you can trust, I guess?
I'm getting paid to write this.
His tongue means business.
Those eyes stare into my soul. I'm scared.
He paid me to shine his shoes. He doesn't have shoes.
Low prices. Incomprehensible service. Possibly Canadian.
I will say whatever you want, just put the hammer down.
-This Space For Rent-
It ate my library card, then said 'that's showbiz for you'.
My name is Mr. Baby. I first began my business ventures in 2025, offering my services for a low price to all of my fellow Juldaria residents. My mindset was simple: keep my prices low so that my services could be affordable to all. Although my business has grown rapidly since then, my goal is still to remain accessible. A household name, if you will.
I have multiple specialty degrees and certifications in my field, so you can be assured that you are in good hands throughout the entire appointment. My business maintains a 5 star review because I hold myself to only the highest of standards. I want my clients to feel safe and calm during our appointments, and never afraid to speak up for themselves. My office is built in such a way that it invokes invitation and attention. Do not worry; each and every one of my clients gets my utmost care during their important appointment. I appreciate my clients’ cooperation in our business ordeals.
My clientele are gone and I do not know where to! I swear I had nothing to do with it. A missed appointment here and there is normal, of course, people do as they please… after the second I began to get suspicious! And then a third refused to show! I called them, I emailed them, I texted them, all to no avail. I turn on the news and oh god, it’s horrible. Every Ouioui in the world has disappeared! And Peepies too, of course… These are my clients! They are my business, they give my life meaning! Without them, what am I to do? How do I feed myself tomorrow? How do I afford my rent next month? Whoever’s listening, please! Find the Ouiouis!
This is outrageous! My spreadsheets synergize with client outreach! I drive a Dodge Stratus! Where the fuck is my dinner!?! ...I'm gonna starve. I'm gonna starve, I'm gonna die, and everyone's gonna be fired.